...and Death smiled

How to not get laid

This is a real email I got from an guy to whom I gave my email. He had to run and get paper, so I was hoping the train would get there first. *sigh* Never count on the train to be on time.

There are so many things wrong with this email it isn’t even funny. It is a fucking catalogue of how not to approach a woman. Cut and pasted directly from my inbox.

Hi there,

Well where do i begin,
Remember me, that caremel toned mixed brotha with
glasses that bumped into ya at the [redacted] Rail Road
this week, and just had to get your addy?
Hey,hope i didn’t come-off as some kinda stupid
stumbing cornball.

I think we did actually meet in the past, but me being
kinda shy and soo busy never took the opportunity to
get to know ya.
So oddly enough, me seeing you at that place, i
figured just take a chance, because I may never see
you again.

I dont know if im yor type of guy?,but you definitely
my kinda chick.The pretty face, and sexy thick-thighs
ans spectacular fat booty! Damm near a perfect 10 in
my eyes.

You claimed to be involved with someone at the moment,
maybe a boyfrind or “girlfriend”, or if yo bi im cool
with that too.
If there ever a shot a me being part of your life,we
should chat, if you ever get sick and tired of who
your with now and looking for a change, let me be that
go-to guy!

If you not looking for anything serious, a friens wit
benifits type setup/ or a exclusive monogmous deal, im
open to any sugestion,.

If looks are not enough and a guy’s gota have the
“skills” to keep you satisfied, please undersand my
wicked-tounge would put any lesbo to same.G-Spot/
C-Spot/ blended orgasm, id make you shake like a car
on bad gas if youd let me:) :)

Funny, i know when youve really captivated me by when
you left the scene, i had a silly wacky dream, it
ending with your suculant thighs rapped around my
ears…O-My-G

By the way, if your fatasizing (hes possibly one of
those huge “Plus-Package” brothas), soory i aint, im
towar the other end of the size scale.But amone one of
those multi-orgasmic types hat can always g a few
Quick sensual rounds.Kinda like eating a Prigiles
potato chip/ cant eat gust OnE?

These day im kinda very busy, but for you, id be sure
to make some time.

Yes, most lades who meet me wana seem soo prim+proper,
after such long a wait during a relationship… we ask
ourselves why didn’t we get at it sooner. So, if your
ever in the “mood”,Please-please, no ned for the
formalites, i am too!
Im just as conservative and as picky as you, when you
know you met to special someone theres a kinda bond
that just bring you towards them.

Even if you wanted o keep “play” strictly light, I
give a great full-body massage with olive oil, and
paint toe-nails too:)?

I can’t front, those killa curves jut got me dizzy
that day, could barely approch ya, and I kow you got
the “Jiggle-factor” i yearn for!
I remember “it” from before and I see you know ans its
just BaNaNaS !!!

Every full-figered chick doesn’t have that particular
pysical profile your blessed with, even the way your
entising(feminine-V) shows in those pair of hott
form-fiting jean blows me away.And your sexy
intoxicating wide hips just compliments it all Nicely.

Don’t want to come off as all Pervey+Forward and
explicit, but had to be honest, so please understand.
Yeh, im in awe of the body and im guessing your mind
has so much to share as well.

By-By
Sexy Thang
hope to hear for ya soon!